Older

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to grow older.  I try not to think about it but with my 59th birthday coming next week and so many of my friends close to turning 60, it's hard not to.  The problem, of course, is that thoughts about my age always end up in places I don't really want to go.  So, l tend not to dwell on my age.  That's always been my approach.  I suppose it's also the reason I've never been big on celebrating my birthday.

One of the reasons I run is to try to stay in relatively good shape.  Running somehow makes me feel younger, even if I'm not as fast or running as long as I used to.  This year, I set a goal of running three miles 156 times and I'm almost halfway there.  Generally, I run three miles - comfortably - at a pace of 8:15 - 8:25 per mile, which is not nothing.  If I pushed myself, I could run three miles at a pace under 8:00 per mile, but why would I do that?  This year, I want to stay healthy and get to 156.  It's a different kind of goal for me, which is what makes it interesting.  Next year, maybe I'll set a new goal that will encourage me to run longer at least once a week.  

At 58 +++, my body is different, for sure.  My low back aches every morning when I get up.  The partial thickness tear in my right rotator cuff feels like it's finally going to need a doctor's attention in the near future.  It hurts to sleep on my right side at night and, in the mornings, my right upper arm and shoulder are very sore.  

It's moderately painful to life my right arm above my head, although I can do it.  I'm not sure if it's related to right rotator cuff injury or not, but I can't throw at all like I used to.  Sadly, it's probably best that my baseball coaching career is over because throwing batting practice would be very difficult for me right now.  Long tossing with the boys is virtually impossible, which makes me sad, too.

It's harder to sleep through the night without waking up once to go to the bathroom.  I pee more frequently than I used to which, as I understand it, is what happens as you grow older.  That's been a new thing the last year or two and causes me to fondly remember the nights, in college, when I could sit on the jukebox at the Tap Room for two or three hours, drinking beer, and never lose my seat because I had to take a leak.  I was like a camel, only in reverse.  Not any more.  

For sure, I forget things in a way that I never did when I was younger, or at least it sure seems that way.  For now, anyway, it's small, insignificant things.  The other day, for example, I could not remember the name of one of my favorite novels of the last 20 years, maybe ever.  I knew it was about a a boy that played baseball - college baseball at a small liberal arts college in the midwest - and that his name was Henry Skrimshander.  I new he was a shortstop and remembered the entire plot of the novel.  But the title escaped me.  

When that happens, I like to puzzle over it in my mind.  I don't look it up on my cell phone because I feel like it's good for me to let my mind work through it and try to remember whatever piece of trivia or arcane fact it is that I've forgotten.  I'll think about something else, then come back to it, several times if I have to.  Suddenly, it hit me!  The Art of Fielding (Chad Harbach), the rare novel that I've read twice.  It's due to join Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry) as a novel I've read three times, actually.  Maybe thus summer.

As the child of a parent who died after suffering the ravages of Alzheimer's disease, I get scared every time I forget something.  Curiously, I lost my train of thought in a potential client meeting yesterday - one I which I was really engaged and enjoying the interaction with a young lady and her mother.  Possibly, though, I was on autopilot because I've given roughly the same talk to what seems like 10,000 + potential divorce client over the years.  

For sure, my hearing is getting worse, although that may be due to years and years of listening to podcasts on various kinds of headphone, ear buds, and AirPods when I run.  I find myself having a harder time hearing the television at normal volume.  For me, too, if I'm in a room with a lot of people talking, loudly, it seems like the ambient noice makes it harder for me to hear the person with whom I'm talking.  That's a bit concerning for a lawyer.

I've stuck with 1.0 readers for all of these years for up close reading when I am wearing my contacts.  I've never needed the readers to read at night, after I take my contacts out.  That may be I changing, though, because it's beginning to be harder to read close up at night while I'm laying in bed.  Also, I may need to up the prescription on my readers to 1.25 or 1.50, something I'm fighting against because I don't want to become too dependent on them.  

For no reason that I can think of, a couple of years ago I started doing pushups at night.  Why?  I don't know.  I guess because there have only been a few times in my life when I lifted weights constantly and, at  the time, I couldn't do many pushups.  Over time, my form improved and I've gotten stronger and stronger and, as a result, I easily bang out several sets of 10 to 15 pushups many nights, all with good form.  If I were smart, I'd get int he gym and start lifting weights, I guess, but at least pushups are something.  

I'm eating clean, so to speak, or clean for me.  It's something I started, again a couple of months ago.  I wasn't eating badly.  I just decided to make a real effort, again, to stay away from chips, crackers, French fries, potatoes, bread, and all sweets.  I also stopped eating processed foods, like energy bars.  I'm trying to eat more fruit, too.  Also, I'm back to eating ham and cheese rollups, often, for lunch, although I'm not sure eating that much processed meat is good for me either.  I am eating a lot - I mean, a lot - of salads, which I know is good for me.

I need to get a physical exam, particularly since it's been four years, at least, since I've had one.  I may set a goal of doing that next week.  I'm past due a second colonoscopy, too.  I have an irrational fear of doctors, though, which I know is ridiculous.  

I guess that's that.  It's Friday, July 4th.  I'm going to go home, do some work, read the Warren Beatty biography that I can't get enough of, and enjoy my family.  JP and Jude got home with Joe, yesterday, fresh off three weeks at Woodberry Forest Sports Camp.  Today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow.