Turning Red

Monday night during a rare quiet moment in our house, Jude and talked with Joe about where he wanted to go to school next year.  USN or MBA.  I think we knew his answer - MBA - but we wanted him to articulate it.  We also wanted him to acknowledge he had thought about how hard he is going to have to work to succeed at MBA.  I think we wanted his buy in.  At least I did. 

Like my longtime friend, John Rowland, said to me at Don Smith's memorial service early last fall, MBA is a competition every day.  Academically,  athletically, and socially.  He's right.  It seems to me, though, that boys grow strong in a cauldron of competition and emerge, as graduates, better prepared to succeed in college and in life.  That's my hope, anyway.

Joe told us he thinks MBA will require him to work hard every day and that he's ready for it.  I suggested he continue improving his study habits and discipline during his last few months at USN in preparation for seventh grade at MBA.  He agreed that might be a good idea.  

I think Jude and I wanted to know, from Joe, that he wants to go to MBA.  That he wants to be challenged.   That he's ready to be challenged.  In a way, that he's ready to grow up.  From a relatively care free preteen to an organized, driven, goal oriented middle school student.  A lot of work and not nearly as much play.  That's the deal.

The reality, of course, is middle school at USN likely would have been significantly harder than lower school has been.  That's just the nature of things at a top notch independent school.  Beginning in seventh grade, it's time to grind and start to build the study skills that will stand you in good stead in college and beyond.  Sure, he likely would have been doing those things in a familiar environment at USN, which will not be the case at MBA.  Still, Joe will have JP at MBA (and JP's friends) and a whole crew of boys learning on the fly just like he will be doing. 

I think it's going to be important to make a real effort to see that Joe stays connected, socially, with the boys in the crew.  He needs to do more with them than play sports.  Sadly, his best friend, Pike, decided not to apply to MBA, so he won't be there with him, at least not next year.  Jude and I need to see that he stays connected with his buddies from USN and Harding that are going to MBA next year from a social standpoint - hanging out, sleepovers, etc. - rather than just by playing basketball and soccer with them.  

I'll write more about USN and our time there as a family, I know, but not today.  By my count, we have had a 10 year run at USN which, by and large, has been productive and positive. 

For now, though, Joe is turning Red.

Joe and the Long Red Line

For the past week, I've fought the sinus infection I had avoided all winter.  I haven't been sleeping well, which made a busy week at work even tougher.  I haven't felt like or been myself.  

On top of that, I've been on pins and needles as I worried about whether Joe would be accepted to MBA.  We were set to receive word yesterday morning and my thoughts had been consumed with potential outcomes all week.  Friday night, I didn't sleep well, as I dreamt about Joe getting into MBA and my collapsing onto the ground after Jude gave me the news.  Weird, yet strangely vivid dream.  I checked e-mail around 4 a.m. and again around 6 a.m.  Nothing from MBA. 

Last Sunday, in church, I had a bit of an epiphany that provided me with a bit of peace.  I realized, as I sat alone in the pew in our usual spot that the whole thing was in God's hands, where it should be.  I needed to let it go.  There was a plan and I needed to let it unfold.  I tried - unsuccessfully at times - to remind myself of those things as the week passed by me.  Still, I worried.

Yesterday morning, I woke up early and followed my normal Saturday morning routine.  I drove to Dose for coffee and breakfast.  I checked e-mail after I arrived shortly after 7 a.m., then again several more times as I read Substack, the New York Times, and the Wall Street Journal.  Nothing, although I knew we likely wouldn't receive word until 8 a.m. or shortly thereafter.

At 8 a.m. on the dot, I checked e-mail.  Still nothing.  A minute or two later, my cell phone rang.  It was Jude.  "Oh, shit, I thought."  Before I answered, I checked e-mail again.  

There it was.  An e-mail from Greg Ferrell, admissions director at MBA.  At the top of the e-mail, there was one word.

YES.

Overcome with emotion, I got up and walked outside and answer the call from Jude.  Relief swept over me in waves as Jude and I shared the moment together.  I choked back tears as we talked bout how much this would mean to Joe and how proud of him we were.  In short, it was a parenting moment that I will never forget.

Why did it mean so much for Joe to be accepted to MBA?  That's a good question.

It's something he's worked so hard for.  He took the ISEE (Independent School Entrance Exam) review course and worked his ass off.  Throughout Saturdays in the all and winter, he spent Saturday afternoons with his tutor at the review class, working, learning, practicing, and testing.  Halfway through the review class, he changed tutors, which I think helped him tremendously.  He took a practice test, then took the real ISEE test.  Not easy.  

This is something Joe accomplished on his own merits.  Acceptance to MBA. 

What I mean by that is that three of Joe's teachers wrote recommendations.  His teachers love him because of the kind of student and person he has been over there past 6 + years at USN.  He's earned praise from his teacher because of how he has conducted himself at school every day.  

USN sent his transcript to MBA.  His grades at USN have been stellar, which is a result of the hard work he has put in academically, particularly the last few years.  He studied for the ISEE and worked hard to prepare for it.  

Joe's interview with Coach Cheevers at MBA went well, I am sure.  But, again, it's something he did himself.  He put on khaki's, a sweater, and sat down with Coach Cheevers, one-on-one, for 30 minutes for a conversation.  Joe knew what was at stake, that it was important.  He took care of business.  

Do I think it helped Joe that JP has done so well, to say the least, at MBA?  Would that help if it was a close all?  I think so but, still, I know people with sons at MBA who have younger brothers that were not accepted into school.  That was part of what worried me.  In the end, thought, Joe needed to do this on his own and he did.  

Joe had the courage to put himself out there.  To make it known that he wanted to be accepted to MBA and that he was willing to work for it, even though there were no guarantees he would achieve his goal.  That takes courage, in my view.  He set a goal and he achieved it.

I wanted Joe to achieve something that JP had achieved, too.  Why?  Because I wanted him to feel like he is just as good and just as accomplished as his big brother was in sixth grade.  I wanted him to know he could do something just as well as his big brother.  I didn't want him to feel like he came up short in comparison to JP because JP casts such a large shadow.

Joe has a lot of friends - boys he has played soccer and basketball with for several years - who had applied to MBA.  I didn't want him to have to feel rejected if they all were accepted to MBA and he wasn't.  That worried me a lot.  

In the end, I wanted it for Joe.  Because he wanted it.

After I got the news, I drove home from Dose.  Jude called the boys downstairs into our bedroom.  They straggled in, JP without a shirt on.  When Jude turned her cell phone around and showed Joe the e-mail, he broke into a big grin.  JP lifted his arms above his head, smiling, and shouted "YES!"  He grabbed Joe in a bear hug, as Jude and I watched, looking at each other and smiling.  A snapshot moment, for sure.

As a family, we'll help Joe make the best decision this week.  He has options and this is what I wanted for him.  USN - although it's been a rough year administratively - is a great school, as is MBA.  I think MBA is where Joe needs to be and, more importantly, where Joe wants to be, but we'll talk about it as a family.

Joe has several buddies who were accepted, too.  Max, Rex, Cole, Cullen, Austin.  He could walk into school, as a seventh grader, with a good core group of boys to run with, which would help him socially.  We'll see.

On top of the great news from MBA, on Thursday afternoon, we learned Joe had made the Stars' tournament basketball team this spring.  He attended tryouts last Friday and Sunday.  He'll be playing with his best friend, Pike, so this was big news, particularly since Joe was cut last year.  

Joe also learned from this baseball coach at USN that he'll play with the middle school varsity team.  This is big for him, as sixth graders don't often play with the seventh and eighth graders.  He's ready, though.

It's been a good week for Joe.  One of the best, actually.  He deserves every bit of it, too.