Saying Goodbye to Screen Time

(Creme, Friday morning.)

Last Friday evening, Jude and I planned to take the boys to Seven Hills to swim after work.  She was running late and I was running late.  When she got home, she learned Joe hadn't had a particularly good afternoon with Katie, our summer nanny.  Then, J.P. had a bad attitude - one that went from bad to worse - when she told him they would be late getting to the pool.  In the end, J.P ended up in his room and Jude and I canceled the trip to the pool.

I had a long talk with J.P. when I got home, then we had a family meeting at dinner.  I was disappointed in the boys' behavior, especially J.P.'s.  I expect more of him because he's the oldest and he sets the example for Joe.  As I told him, when he loses his temper and raises his voice or yells at Jude, Joe sees it and thinks it's okay to act like that.  I can't have Joe thinking that at 7 years of age.

At dinner, Jude and I talked with the boys about gratitude and entitlement, common themes around our  house.  I talked about being selfless, and  not selfish.  Selfish = me.  Selfless = we.  That's what I told them, anyway.

We're blessed to have two good sons.  They're rarely much trouble.  But they're normal, young boys trying to figure out life and they need guidance.  They're going to occasionally get off track and it's our job to get them back on track.

To emphasize the importance of behaving, with us and especially with babysitters or nannies (including Grandma and Jimdad), Jude and I decided to take away all of the boys' screens for a while.  No television.  No iPads.  No looking at videos on or cell phones.  No Xbox.  No screens at all.

Now, we're not big on screen time as it is.  I suspect we're in the bottom 10% of all of our peer group families when it comes to allowing the boys to have screen time, for better or worse.  They only get to use their iPads on Saturday and Sunday mornings, for an hour at most.  Xbox is a rarity, maybe once a week on weekends.  No Fortnite.  They do watch a fair amount of television, though it's mostly sports at dinner or on weekends.

Although I worry sometimes that we're sheltering the boys, it's a joy to see them reading, on their own, as opposed to watching television or videos.  That's our focus.  Still, the boys love their screen time, perhaps because they don't get a lot of it.  Thus, taking away all of their screen time was a pretty draconian disciplinary measure by their way of thinking.

(Honest Coffee Roasters, Tuesday at noon)

What's been a pleasant surprise, I think, is how well it's gone - for us, anyway - for the boys to be without screens.

We've eaten dinner at the dining room table every night, which is something we had gotten away from.  So many night - maybe most nights - we have "sports picnics" and watch television while we're eating dinner.  Yes, we're together but it's in front of the television and the reality is that our conversation likely is a reaction to whatever we're watching.  When we're eating at the dining room table, our conversation involves how our day went, what went well, what didn't go well.  We interact more with each other, it seems.

Also, and I may be wrong about his, but the boys seem happier and less fussy with no screen time.  Now, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part but it sure seems that way.

Since I started this post, we eased up a bit and let the boys watch Apollo 13 with us on Saturday night.  Still, no iPads for them, though, and no sports on television.  We'll see where it goes the next few days, as Jude is in Washington, D.C. and I have the boys on my own for "Guytown."

The Return of the Hot Wheels Cars

(Portland Brew, 7:15 a.m.)

Friday night, Joe had a friend and classmate from school sleep over.  Caldwell is a boy I've coached for the past three seasons, fall and spring, on Joe's baseball team.  Sweet kid and a gamer.  Loves to play catcher.  Hockey player, too.  He's younger than Joe by almost a year, I'm guessing.  It was Caldwell's first sleepover, so I was curious how it would go.

Well, it went great and the boys had a blast.  It's cool to see Joe having boys sleep over, since for so many years he's been a part of J.P.'s sleep overs with Cooper, J.D., etc.  I had never been around Caldwell for an extended period of time, so I was amazed at how talkative and outgoing he was.  Confident, too, which is a good and probably why he and Joe are a good fit.  Joe is almost always confident and sure of himself, sometimes a little too much so.

After dinner and watching part of a hockey documentary called "Pond Hockey" - very good, by the way - Caldwell and Joe went upstairs to play.  We gave them some space but after 20 minutes or so, I went upstairs to check on them.  To my surprise and delight, they were playing with the Hot Wheels cars.

Now, J.P. was probably more into the Hot Wheels cars than Joe ever was, probably because J.P. had to entertain himself more than Joe ever did.  Also, Joe has always tagged along with J.P. and wanted to play whatever he was playing.  By the time Joe was old enough to walk comfortably, J.P. was into sports and playing outside.  Joe simply followed him wherever he went.

Caldwell and Joe had put together a long stretch of Hot Wheels track with a loop near the middle.  They were sitting at both ends of the track, taking turns pulling cars (and trucks and ambulances) out of the Hot Wheels suitcase/storage box and seeing which cars (and trucks and ambulances) could make it through the loop and to the other end of the track.  Kind of like a Hot Wheels test kitchen.

As a kid, I loved my Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars, and I bought a ton of them for J.P. when he was little.  Joe kind of inherited them.  I immediately sat down in the floor and joined them.  And, damn, it was fun to see them so excited to play with Hot Wheels cars - not Xbox, not iPad - Hot Wheels cars.  I couldn't stop smiling.

I guess there's a bit of Toy Story in this, although my sentimental streak has prevented me from watching Toy Story 2, 3 and 4.  The Hot Wheels cars and track, unused for years, suddenly experience a renaissance and are played with for a weekend, first by Joe and Caldwell, then by Joe and J.P. last night.  A trip back to a more innocent time.

My mom used to buy me Matchbox cars when I was a child, one at a time, that I think actually came in what looked like a matchbox.  I brought a ton of Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars with me from California when we moved to Brentwood, TN, after my father died.  The story - and I don't think it's apocryphal - is that when we moved into our house on Brenthaven Drive in 1972, my next door neighbor (who became my best friend) came home from school and saw me sitting in the floor of his den, playing with my cars, while our moms talked.  He joined me and a friendship that lasted throughout my youth was born.

That's one of the first things that made me really feel like a father - buying Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars for J.P. and playing with them with him.  Full circle, you know.

Now, off to begin an incredibly busy and likely stressful week at work.  

A Pirate Looks at 53

I turned 53 years old this week rather uneventfully.  J.P. was away at golf camp - his first sleep away camp albeit in Franklin.  It was Jude, Joe and me and by my request, we had a quiet dinner at home and watched the MLB All Star Game.  The National League lost, as usual.

It was a strange birthday, melancholy, as I found myself preoccupied with the idea that it was my first birthday without my mom.  Lately I've slipped into a bit of a funk again, thinking about my mom a lot and really missing her.  I guess that's normal - or maybe it's not, I don't know - it's been five and half months since she died.

Things happy, in my life or in real life, and I get lost in my mind thinking about how much my mom would have enjoyed this or that event or how much fun it would have been to talk to her about it.  Tiger winning the Masters.  Vanderbilt winning the College World Series.  The Predators trading PK Subban.  Bonnaroo.  J.P.'s WNSL Dodgers winning the 11U State Championship.  My 53rd birthday.

All of those events, to me, are slightly less meaningful or special because my mom isn't here to share them.  It's weird, I know, because it's not like she could enjoy those kind of events, anyway, the last three years or so.  Alzheimer's disease robbed her of that.  Still, somehow, she was here and would have been a part of all of those events in an odd way.  I don't know.

Often times in my conversations or interactions with others, my mom spontaneously comes up.  For example, I ran into Dr. White the other day, her former primary care physician (and my grandmother's, too).  We were talking, getting caught up and he mentioned attending an event with his mother, who is 86.  Apropos of nothing or, perhaps everything, he told me he was sorry to hear about my mom's death.  He told me how much he had enjoyed knowing her over the years, how much fun she was, how much they laughed together and how opinionated she was.  Yep, that's her.

He didn't know the details of her death.  I shared with him that I was blessed to have visited with her the Wednesday afternoon before she had a stroke.  Describing the telephone call I got from Tracy Thursday morning while I was having coffee at  Honest Coffee Roasters to tell me that the nurse at NHC was looking for me - that something was wrong with mom - brought it all back home again, like a scab opening up and bleeding.

Dr. White was a good listener.  When I described what the neurosurgeon at St. Thomas Hospital advised me about our options, Thursday morning after my mom arrived there in an ambulance, he agreed we made the right decision not to proceed with any type of cranial surgery.  My mom wouldn't have wanted that.  He knows it and I do, too.

He didn't realize we were at the hospital with her for a week before she died on the night of January 31st.  Recounting that part of the story made me think about that week again and wonder if I've done it justice by writing about it.  I'm torn between wanting to remember every detail of my last week with my mom and wanting to forget all of it, because it was so hard.  By the end of the week, I was  hollowed out and my emotions had been wrung out like water from a sponge.  I was numb and it was . . . just . . . hard to feel.  Anything.

It was such an intense week and unlike anything I had ever imagined.  Everything was so raw and real yet so unbelievable, too.  It's hard to describe it.  Again, part of me wants to remember every detail vividly and part of me wants to forget it happened.

So I find myself at 53, with good days and bad days and some in between.  I miss my mom and I think about her almost every day.  Well, probably every day, actually.  Her laugh and her smile, before and after Alzheimer's disease ravaged her mind and body.

I suppose it will get easier.  I hope so.

WNSL Dodgers 11U All Star Scouting Report

While it's still somewhat fresh in my mind, I thought it would be nice to write about each player on the WNSL Dodgers 11U All Star Team.

Years from now when JP and I look back on the 11U State Championship, when his championship trophy and his all tournament trophy are gathering dust on a bookshelf in his room while he's off at college somewhere, I want to be able to look back and recall some details about each player on the roster, what he brought to the team during the run to the title and particular moments that stand out now from the State Tournament.

• Aiden "AP" Pennington.  Also known as "Coffee Break," a nickname he earned in my absence at the District Tournament (which the WNSL Dodgers also won buy sweeping the WNSL Dirtbags on Sunday).  Consummate leadoff hitter.  Left fielder extraordinaire.  In the Lawrenceburg semifinal game, which we won 11-10, he made three or four huge catches in left field.  Funny kid.  Always smiling.  
• Robbie  Doll.  Centerfielder.  Likely the fastest player in the tournament.  Perfect number two hitter.  He can flat out go get it in centerfield.  Big arm.  Almost through a kid out at first base on a single on Sunday against Giles County.  Pitched a little in game one Friday night against Giles County, but struggled.  All Tournament selection. 
•  Taylor Hasselback.  Pitcher.  Shortstop.  One of the best athletes on the team.  Pitched his butt off in the most important game of the tournament - Lawrenceburg in the semifinal on Saturday.  84 pitches, right at the limit for the day.  Almost always scored when he got on base, which he almost always managed to do, one way or another.  All Tournament selection.
• Wes Taylor.  First base and extra hitter.  Swings a big bat.  Strong.  Hit a home run at Donelson against a 12U team in a scrimmage game in early June.  Really starting pulling the baseball in the postseason, especially in the State Tournament.  Our tallest player.  I still laugh when I think about him pushing the sleeves up on his jersey when he bats, like a beer league softball player.  Original Dodger.
• Benton Wright.  Pitcher, right fielder and extra hitter.  The closer.  Señor Smoke.  When he's on - and he's usually on - throws harder than anyone on the team.  A little sidearmed and for that reason, intimidating for batters to face because of how hard he throws.  He was huge on Saturday against Lawrenceburg when Taylor ran out of pitches.  Finished the 5th inning and pitched the 6th inning to get the save.  Streak hitter.  Probably hits the ball harder than anyone except maybe Cullen.  Also starting pulling the baseball in the postseason.   Original Dodger.
• Cullen Womble.  First base, third base, right field and pitcher.  Also known as (by me, anyway) "the Baby Rhino" and "Thunder."  Our biggest, meanest player.  An intimidator, for sure.  One of the team leaders.  Not the fastest but by far, in my view, the best baserunner.  Steals bases on the pitcher, always makes the correct base running play.  Incredible base running mind.  Our only left-handed pitcher.  Toughness personified.  Pitched a gutsy complete game to beat the Dirtbags to win the District Championship. 
• Porter Weeks.  Big game player.  Money pitcher.  Probably our most consistent starting pitcher. Throws strikes, keeps the ball low and away.  Better control overall than our other pitchers.  Hits the ball hard.  Dead pull hitter.  He's the first person I've seen pull a ball so much that he hit it in front of the on deck batter.  That actually happened.  Best listener I've ever coached.  Original Dodger, though he joined when the boys were six years old and I moved them up to machine pitch one fall.  We saved him for the title game on Sunday against Giles County and he delivered, big time.  Seven strikeouts in four innings.  Also had two hits, including a double.  All Tournament selection.  
• Aiden Nick.  Coach Jonathan's son.  Great, funny kid.  Rubber armed pitcher.  Probably has the best balance and form of any pitcher even though he doesn't throw it as hard as some of the other boys.  Tough.  He pitched game two Friday night against Livingston and took a hard line drive off his thigh.  Scary play, especially when fell to the ground.  He got back up and pitcher his way out of the inning.  Otherwise, played second base.  Good range.  Good contact hitter.  
• Matthew Moore.  Our MVP.  The best 11 year old catcher I have ever seen.  Almost nothing gets by him.  Good arm.  Smartest player I've ever coached.  Instinctive.  Sneaky sense of humor.  Quiet, calming presence.  Leader.  The other boys respected him, although he isn't a vocal leader.  Does everything the right way.  Coachable.  Great listener.  Smart baserunner.  Good hitter.  A winner.  Future astronaut, or surgeon or President of the United States.  All Tournament selection.
• Ethan Deerkoski.  One of my all time favorite kids.  Played with us in all-stars last year.  Competitive.  Emotional.  Would cut his arm off to win at anything from baseball to basketball to ping pong.  I identify with him, because he reminds me of me at age 11.  Played mostly third base.  In what may be my favorite State Tournament moment, I put him in to pitch in relief of Robbie (who relieved J.P.) in game one Friday night against Giles County and he was a revelation.  In spite of the fact he hadn't pitched all postseason, he threw nothing but gas and nothing but strikes.  He held Giles County down int he top of the 6th inning, so we could rally in the bottom of the 6th inning with four runs for the win.  Pitched again in game two Friday night in relief of Aiden Nick and again threw strikes and more gas.  The Fireman.  Got hot at the plate on Saturday and Sunday, too.  Great tournament for him because he waited his turn, was a good teammate and capitalized when he got the opportunity.  
• J.P. Newman.  Newski.  By far, the most versatile player on the team.  In the State Tournament, he played shortstop, third base, second base, left field, right field and pitcher.  Had timely hits and drove in six runs for the tournament but needs to be more selective at the plate.  Only walked once or twice.  He made the final out of the game against Livingston playing third base by fielding a ground ball hit right down the third base line and throwing the ball across the diamond to first base,  nipping the runner by a half step.  Big time play.  Big time player.  Smart.  Good instincts.  In the biggest game of the State Tournament - Lawrenceburg - he had two hits from the 10 hole, including what should have been a double into the gap in left center field.  He slid under the tag at second but the umpire - Kevin ( a centerfielder who was coached a lifetime ago by my friend, Chris Sockwell, on a team from Lawrenceburg that won the Little League State Tournament in Johnson City, TN).  All Tournament selection.  

The 2019 11U State Champion WNSL Dodgers.  I'll remember the run those boys went on and their celebration when they won the title for the rest of my life.  I hope they remember it, too. 

State Championship Photos

Ethan, JP, Wes and Benton celebrating the the WNSL Dodgers 11-0 win over Giles County in the Cal Ripken 11U State Championship game.

One of my oldest and dearest friends from law school, Chris Sockwell, lives in Lawrenceburg (site of the 11U State Tournament).  He was nice enough to come to JP's games Friday night.  I visited with Chris and his wife, Jennette, Saturday morning when I washed some uniforms at their house.

JP, standing on the ledge in the dugout, watching our players bat.

Aiden, one of the emotional leaders of the Dodgers, cheering one of our hitters.

I've coached Wes, JP and Benton since they were five years old, fall and spring.  So many practices, games, wins and losses, ups and downs.  To see them when the 11U State Championship together was phenomenal.

Tracy bought her kids, Kaitlyn and Matthew, to Lawrenceburg for Saturday afternoon's game against Lawrenceburg.  Stressful game, 11-10 win for the Dodgers with JP driving in what turned out to be the winning run.  It was special to have them there.

Kaitlyn, JP and Matthew.

I love this photo of JP and me.  Admittedly, I look ridiculous in baseball pants.

Chris, Ronnie and Jonathan.  Great coaches, great men.  I had so much fun coaching these boys with them.

Me and my guys.  Joe had as much fun as JP did in Lawrenceburg, I think.  He wore a rally cap the entire tournament and credited himself for the State Championship.

JP, before Friday night's games against Giles County and Livingston, both wins for the Dodgers.  It took a four run rally in the bottom of the sixth inning to beat Giles County, however.

Joe and JP, just prior to our departure from the Hampton Inn in Pulaski to the Friday night's games in Lawrenceburg.

Joe.  Babe Ruth in a rally cap.

JP and Joe, with the State Championship trophy and JP's All Tournament trophy.

WNSL Dodgers.  Cal Ripken 11U State Champs.  2019.

Sewanee

Stirling's Coffee House.  Sewanee.

Unusually difficult 3.2 mile trail run to Beckwith Point in the books, it's time for a cup of coffee and for a little time to be still.

This is the second year we've left town for Sewanee the week of the 4th of July and stayed with the Allens in a house on the Mountain.  We're in a house on campus - on  Tennessee Avenue, in fact - which is cool for the kids, because there is so much for them to do on campus.  I can picture them, in years to come, roaming all over campus on their own, hopefully not getting into too much trouble.

I'm into my routine already.  Up early, before anyone else, to make breakfast for the boys.  Drop the boys off at camp, then hit the trails for a run.  Then, Stirling's Coffee House for a cup of coffee and reading or writing.  Back to the house.  Shower, lunch, then work for a few hours in the afternoon.  Back to the house for play time, then dinner.  Dusk at the Sewanee football field, then boys to bed.  Have a drink or two and read.  And do it all again the next day.

Jude joins us tomorrow evening.  She'll take the 4th and 5th of July off from work and we'll head home on Saturday, the 6th.

The highlight, as always, will be the parade down University Avenue on the 4th of July.  Convertible and floats with people throwing candy.  What could be better for the boys?