A Day I Hoped Would Never Come

This is the post I never wanted to write.

I'm exhausted and drained, mentally and emotionally, so this will be disjointed and rambling, for sure. I just want to get something down and start to process my thoughts.

Yesterday, I finished a mediation early and went to see my mom.  I rarely stop by her place late in the afternoon but I was planning on seeing the administrator to talk about staffing in the Courtyard at NHC Place and I wanted to see my mom.

When I got back to her place, she was sitting quietly at a table with another lady - not Carol, her normal companion.  I sat down beside her and she smiled at me.  She didn't talk but she was happy to see me, as she always is.  I think I held her hand for a minute or two and talked about my day.  I had a Texas Monthly magazine with me and I gave it to her to look through when it was time for me to leave.

In the scheme of things, it wasn't the longest of visits with my mom but as it turned out, it was one of the most important ones.

This morning, I took my truck in early to get the oil changed at the dealership, then drove to get coffee at Honest Coffee Roasters before starting a mediation at 9 a.m.  As I was sipping my coffee, Tracy texted me from Birmingham and asked me to call her immediately.  I did and she told me that Cathryn, the morning nurse at the Courtyard, had called her and that there was a problem with mom.  When they went to get her up, she was lethargic, not talking and couldn't seem to move her right arm or leg or feel anything on her right side.

I called Julie at my office, canceled the mediation and drove straight to NHC Place.  My mom didn't look good and she couldn't feel it when I pinched her right hand, arm or leg.  After meeting with a doctor and the head of nursing, we agreed to take my mom to the hospital in ambulance.  At the EMT's suggestion, we chose St. Thomas West, as opposed to Williamson Medical Center, because it is better equipped to treat stroke victims.

I called Alice - who was on the way to NHC Place - and she turned around and met the ambulance at the hospital.  I arrived shortly after she had been admitted and had undergone a CT scan.

The CT scan revealed a major brain bleed, or stroke, that had occurred in her brain sometime the night before.  She was fine when I left at 5 p.m. Wednesday night and, apparently, fine when the staff put her to bed around 9 p.m. or 10 p.m. Wednesday night.  So, while she was sleeping, she developed the brain bleed and it appeared to severely damage her neurological functioning, as the neurosurgeon advised Alice and me.

The hard part was learning that the only treatment option would be to drill a hole in my mom's skull and insert a drain to try to get rid of the fluid on the brain.  The down side of that procedure is that she would likely be in the hospital for one to two weeks and that ultimately she would probably need a feeding tube because she would be unable to swallow.  My mom has always been insistent that she didn't want extraordinary measure taken if her health declined precipitously and that she didn't want a feeding tube to prolong her life unnaturally.

So, here we are at the place where I never wanted to be.  My mom is in the ICU at St. Thomas Hospital and will probably live a few days at most.  She's comfortable or appears to be so.  She sleeping for the most part, although she occasionally opens her eyes a little bit.  Tracy - after she arrived from Birmingham - managed to coax an "almost smile" from her a couple of times.

I just left the hospital to come home for the night.  I'll relieve Tracy in the morning, as she's going to spend the night.  David Clark, Alice and Jerry Meyer are there now.

My world has tilted on its axis today and it will never rotate the same way again.