Thanksgiving Without Mom

I love the fall holidays most of all but this year, my enthusiasm has been tempered by the fact that for the first time in my life, I won't celebrate them with my mom.

It's strange but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel this holiday season.  

I feel guilty if I unabashedly enjoy myself because to do so is to necessarily ignore the fact that my mom isn't here with us.  However, if I dwell on how much I miss my mom, my spirit will descend into the familiar abyss of sadness and, yes, depression, and those closest to me will suffer the ill effects of my emotional decline.  My mom wouldn't want that.  This I know.

What would she want?  

She would want me to smile and laugh.  To enjoy spending time with Jude, J.P. and Joe.  To watch football all weekend long.  To enjoy a Thanksgiving meal with Jude's extended family at Anne and David Walker's house in Franklin (something my mom did with Jude and me on more than one occasion).  

She would want me to watch football all weekend long.  To tease my boys, and tease her, about the Tennessee - Vanderbilt football game tomorrow.  To have family over tomorrow night to laugh, reminisce and spend time together.  

She would want my heart to fill with pride as I watch J.P. and Joe shoot basketball together, with me, at Christ the King or Sevier Park.  To have 4-way Connect Four tournaments with Jude, J.P. and Joe.  She would want me to lose to one of the boys, of course.  

She would want me to enjoy the beginning of the college basketball season.  To enjoy taking the boys to the Battle of the Boulevard (Belmont vs. Lipscomb) on Tuesday.  To enjoy following the Titans as they make a late season run for the playoffs.  To worry about the Predators and early season swoon.  

She would want me to enjoy the fact that I'm healthy and running like I did 25 +  years ago.  To enjoy the fact that, at age 53, I've had a bit of a running renaissance.  Not racing but effortlessly running 4, 5 or 6 miles at the same training pace I ran in my late 20's.  To enjoy running 10 miles in Shelby Bottoms last weekend.  To simply enjoy doing something I love.  Running.

I think - no, I know - she would want me to slow down just a little bit this holiday season.  To worry a little bit less about work and my immediate and extended family, and my friends.  To be still, to be quiet and to be thankful, truly and deeply thankful, for the life I have right now.  To be present in this moment and appreciate it for it's singularity, not thinking about the past or worrying about the future.

She would want all of those things for me, and many, many more.

I miss you mom.  The holidays aren't going to be easy for me, I know.  But I'm going to try to honor your memory over the holidays by living the way you would want me to live.  

I have so much.  Today, Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all of it.  My life, the sad parts, the hard parts, the happy parts.  All of it.  

  

      

   

LeBron, the Lakers and the Bucket List

I've been a Los Angeles Lakers fan for as long as I can remember.  When I was a toddler and we lived in California, my mom used to listen to Chick Hearn - the venerable one - call the Lakers' games on the radio.  For a season or two - or so I was told by my mom - my parents shared season tickets to the Lakers' games with three other couples, in the days of Elgin Baylor, Jerry West, Gail Goodrich and Wilt Chamberlain (probably 1969 or 1970 would be my guess).

This part is hazy, but I've always had a memory of attending a Lakers' game with my dad.  I remember watching Wilt Chamberlain play.  It's funny, now that I think about it, I never asked my mom if that memory was true or a dream.  I never confirmed that my dad took me to a Lakers' game.  I wish I had asked her about it but maybe I wanted to continue to believe it.

I've always been a huge Jerry West fan, probably because my mom was, as well.  

In the early 1980's, with the arrival of Earvin "Magic" Johnson, my Lakers' fandom increased tenfold.  I watched the Lakers on television whenever I could - which wasn't often during the regular season, since cable television hadn't arrived yet - and I lived and died by how they did in the playoffs.  I mean, lived and died!

Most importantly, I hated the Boston Celtics.  Really, really hated them, like all good Laker fans.

In college and in my fraternity, same way.  None of my friends, save one - Eddie Messer - were Laker fans.  Most of them pulled for the Celtics.  

In some ways, my obsession with the Lakers, and the NBA, was an oddity in the pre-internet days.  It was harder to follow the NBA because information wasn't readily available as it is now and there were so many few games on television.  Today, of course, it's totally different.  The NBA is hip and, in reality, trails only the NFL in terms of popularity in the U.S.  Worldwide, however, the NBA dwarfs the NFL in popularity.

For me, it's always been MLB, followed closely by baseball.  But, in terms of my favorite team, it may well have been the Lakers.  Probably trading places, from time to time, with the Dodgers.

The cool thing about having boys - my boys - is that, for the most part, they've adopted my sports' allegiances.  The notable exception, of course, is the the fact that they're Vanderbilt fans and I'm a Tennessee fan.  I smile as I write that, though, because it's a lasting legacy from my mom.  Her parting shot to me, if you will, and something that I believe still makes her chuckle wherever she is now.  My sons, the Vandy fans.

The boys - and I - love the Dodgers and Lakers.  

Saturday afternoon, we drove to Memphis of then Grizzlies - Lakers game Saturday night.  JP rode with my friends, Russ and Chris, and their sons (and his basketball teammates), Cooper and Wes.  Joe rode with me, as his basketball game finished later.

Because the Lakers played Friday night in Oklahoma City, I was worried LeBron James might sit in Memphis.  You know, load management.  Fortunately, that wasn't the case, as LeBron and Anthony Davis played.  

As it turned out, we stayed at the Westin - the same hotel in which the Lakers stayed.  In fact, the players were checking out when we arrived.  The boys saw Lebron, Anthony Davis, Alex Caruso and Kyle Kouzma, which thrilled them to no end.  

Before the game, we walked .3 of mile to Central BBQ for some slow cooked, Memphis style BBQ.  As advertised, the BBQ was awesome, especially the brisket.  Then, back to the hotel to change clothes, and a quick walk across the street to the game.

We had good seats in the Pinnacle Club section.  I loved watching the boys watching the Lakers, standing and cheering in the their LeBron James (No. 23) Lakers' jerseys.  Joe was so into the game that I had to ask him - several times in the first half - to calm down.  The Lakers weren't playing particularly well and the Grizzlies hit their first 8 (!) 3-pointers.  Joe was despondent.  JP and couldn't help but laugh and - I thought - like father, like son.  

The Grizzlies cooled off in the second half, predictably, and the Lakers got hot.  It was an exciting finish and the Lakers won by 1 point, much to our delight.  I bought the boys some swag in the team shop and we walked across the street, back to the hotel.  

Overall, bucket list night.  I got to watch LeBron James play, with my sons alongside, cheering the whole game.  For me, it doesn't get much better than that.

   

Fall Baseball Season Finales

Sunday marked the end of the boys fall baseball season.

It's rare that we play into November but the previous weekend's games were rained out the fields were too wet on Saturday to play.  It was a beautiful, fall Sunday afternoon, though, and I was grateful to get the play the season finale for the Junior Dodgers (Joe) and the Dodgers (J.P.).

The Junior Dodgers played first, at 1 p.m., vs. the Red Cobras (Hi, August!), a team we had split with earlier in the fall season.  The pitching machine was dialed up a bit and the boys on both teams had a difficult time hitting.  Early on, the score was tied 1-1, then the Junior Dodgers took a 2-1 lead and later, a 5-1 lead.

The play, or plays, of the day, came mid-game when I had Bennett at pitcher and Joe at first base.  Bennett made a fairly routine play on a ground ball for the first out, throwing the ball to Joe at first in time to get the runner.  A couple of Red Cobras scratched out hits, then one boy struck out for the second out.  With two runners on base, the next batter ripped a ground ball up the middle.  Bennett reacted instantly, backhanded the ball cleanly, and threw a strike to Joe at first base for the third out.

It was a bang-bang play and for a split second, everyone sat in stunned silence.  Then, our fans, coaches and players erupted in cheers as the Junior Dodgers ran off the field to bat.  I stormed out of the dugout and Bennett greeted me with a huge smile on his face as I picked him up and hugged him. It was a helluva play!

Although the Red Cobras rallied for a pair of runs in the bottom of the last inning, the Junior Dodgers held on to win 5-3.  The boys made must enough routine defensive plays and had just enough hitting to win the game.  George, one of my personal projects the past year or so, had three hits.  Andrew, filling in because we were short on players, and Trey, had triples to the outfield.  Big, big hits.  A fitting end to the fall season for the Junior Dodgers.

The Dodgers played our longtime rival, the Dirtbags, in the 3 p.m. game after the team we really wanted - Pennington's team - couldn't get enough players to play us.  We've had the Dirtbags number as of late.  The boys followed up a 13-1 win over the Dirtbags Tuesday night (in a game the I missed b/c I was stuck mediating a case) with a 12-4 win that was never in doubt.

Although I thought about pitching some boys who don't normally pitch, I decided a win would be important to the team so I started our horse, Porter.  He pitched well over three innings and gave up only a single run as we pulled away.  Timely hits, walks and a lot of stolen bases led to the Dodgers taking a big lead early and coasting home.

In the lasts inning, I brought in Ethan to pitch.  He'd been asking to pitch and he deserved a shot.  When he's on he's unhittable but when he's struggling with his control, anything can happen.  It's usually feast or famine when he's on the mound.  Still, I wanted him to get the experience of being out there because he's got real talent and just needs to learn to manage his emotions.  He's got unrivaled competitiveness but is so hard on himself when he struggles the slightest bit.  Great, great kid.

I caught J.P., which I knew would be a challenge for him because Ethan can be a bit wild when hit pitches.

After an early strikeout, Ethan's control wavered and he walked a few batters and allowed a run or two on wild pitches.  J.P. did reasonably well, but struggled a bit with balls in the dirt, allowing them to get past him and roll to the backstop.  Nothing some repetitions at catcher won't correct because he really can play back there, I think.  I've said it before but one of the things I'm proudest of when it comes to J.P. and baseball is his versatility.  He field at least 3 grounders flawlessly at shortstop early in the game and threw the batters out at first, then was competent at catcher.

The Dirtbags did what the Dirtbags do when the scored a couple of runs.  Their players started chanting, quietly at first, then louder and louder.  Although I think that stuff is bush league, I had to laugh when they started humming the Jeopardy theme song when I walked to the mound to settle Ethan down.  Settle down he did and he struck a batter out for the last out with the bases loaded.  A good moment for him.

Overall, again, the Dodgers played very solid defensively.  I've seen so much improvement there.  we had timely hitting and there's a lot of room for improvement, for sure.  But he defense has been outstanding as the fall season progressed.

A great way to end the fall season - wins against rivals of the Junior Dodgers and the Dodgers - and two teams' worth of happy boys on a beautiful fall afternoon.

Baseball is life.  All the rest is just details.