Life360 Knows All

In so many ways - really, in every way - it's harder to be a teenager today than it was when I grew up.  It seems like it's virtually impossible for a teenager, today, to have any sense of privacy or to go off the grid, even for a few minutes.

How can you figure out who you are if someone is always watching?

If I want to, I can look at JP and Joe's classroom performance and grades on a daily basis simply by accessing MBA's portal through my cell phone.  Maybe I'm not the most attentive parent but if the boys are doing well academically - and they are - I don't feel like they need me looking over their shoulder every day to see if their homework was turned in or what grade they made on the last quiz or test.  

Mid-quarter and Quarter or Semester report cards are different, of course.  I look at those.  But I feel like the boys need, and  have earned, the freedom to budget their time and manage their academics on their own, unless and until their performance indicates otherwise.  Is that laissez faire parenting?  Perhaps.  To me, though, I think it's giving the boys a sense of responsibility and independence, which is something they need now and will need more later.  

It's a fine line as a parent, I think, between over-parenting or helicoptering or giving a child too much rope.  I think the line is in a different place with every child, even and especially siblings.  I also think the line moves from time to time for a child, depending on the decisions he or she makes and the judgment, good or bad, he or she shows in making those decisions.

Early yesterday evening, at the end of a long two day mediation, I called Jude on my way home.  With "Snowpocalypse 2026" set to hit Nashville tonight and tomorrow, she had been to the grocery store to stock up earlier in the day.  Nonetheless, she told me that JP had just left to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things.

That's weird, I thought.  JP never goes to the grocery store, especially on a school night, when free time is at a premium.  Clearly, going to the grocery store was pretext for getting out of the house.  No question about it.  

How did I know that?  Because I was 17 years old a long, long time ago.  Every thought or feeling JP has I have had, as well, albeit 40 + years ago.  Plus, I know my son.   And I would have done the same thing.  In fact, I did the same thing, many times, in 1982 or 1983.

The difference is that I could take a slight detour to see a friend, maybe even a girl, while I was running an errand and nobody would be the wiser.  Why?  Because my mom didn't have Life360.  Hell, she didn't have a cell phone.  I was able to move around Brentwood without my mom knowing where I was  at every minute.  The point is that I had more freedom that JP has, or Joe will have. 

Did I do some things I shouldn't have?  Sure.  Did I make mistakes?  Of course.  But I also developed  a sense of independence and self-reliance.  Today, it's harder for teenager to develop those qualities under the ever watchful eye of Life360, Find My iPhone, etc.  

When I got home and JP still was not there, Jude and I raised our eyebrows.  I pulled out my cell phone, looked at Llife360, and immediately saw where he was.  Not at Publix.  He made another stop for less than a half hour.  Good for him.

He's 17.  He's driving.  It's time for him to test the boundaries and rules we set for him.  That's as it should be.  It's what I want him to do, within reason.  He's growing up, maturing, and he needs to space to make decisions, good and bad.  He's earned that space with how hard he works, how responsible he is, how mature he is, and the kind of person he is.  All of those things.

We talked about it when he got home.  My thought was that if the worst thing he does as a teenage living at home is to take a slight detour to go see a friend, before or after a trip to the grocery store, then Jude and I are raising a pretty damn good boy.  I told him precisely that, too.

It's the same thing my mom said to me in the late summer of 1982 when my Caroline Blue 1966 - with a friend driving it - was impounded by the Brentwood Police Department after Greg Westfall and I almost got caught rolling (w/toilet paper) a house in our neighborhood.  She was somewhat amused and unperturbed by the entire event.  I felt the same way last night and I feel the same way this morning.  

Jude and I are so lucky to have the boys we have.  I wish the ride would never end.