Parental Guidance is Suggested

One of the most frightening words in the English language is "suppository." Perhaps "enema" is scarier, but not by much. This week, Jude and I got to see a suppository work its magic, up close and personal. John Patrick had gone three days without having a bowel movement, so desperate times called for desperate measures.

After consulting with a nurse in our doctor's office on the telephone Saturday afternoon, Jude and I decided to give John Patrick a suppository Sunday evening. After reading the instructions on the box, we cut the suppository in half, long ways, then had John Patrick "assume the position." We laid him on his stomach, on our bed, with his legs dangling over the side. As I spread his butt cheeks, Jude inserted the suppository.

Wow, I thought, this is easy. Then, the suppository popped right back out. Jude reinserted it, then it popped back out again. We looked at each other and started laughing. Really, it reminded me of one of those times when you insert a dollar bill into a Coke machine and, bam, it pops back out. You push the dollar bill back in, but it pops right back out. Strange.

Finally, we put John Patrick on the changing table and I lifted his legs up with one hand and inserted the suppository with the other hand. I held his butt cheeks together for a minute or two, then put his diaper back on. I'm fairly certain if, say, a year ago, anyone had told me I'd be putting a suppository in someone else's ass, for any reason, I would have said they were crazy. Even still, it didn't work, at least not Sunday evening. No "movement," if you get my drift.

However, after consulting with a nurse in our doctor's office on the telephone again Tuesday morning, Jude tried another suppository. This time, she inserted it a little further and presto, thirty minutes later, an explosion occurred. I'm talking serious "movement." Like 7.5 on the richter scale. Later Tuesday evening, there was an "aftershock," which resulted in more "movement." We've never been so please to change a dirty diaper.