Tears for Fears

Today, was a difficult, difficult day, as John Patrick received his first round of vaccinations at his two month check-up with our pediatrician, Dr. Godfrey.

To begin with, I've been dreading this day because of my fear, irrational perhaps, of the supposed link between infant vaccinations and autism. I realize, of course, that there has yet to be a scientific study positively linking vaccinations and autism. However, when I read or hear statements from parents of children with autism who are absolutely convinced their child didn't have any of the problems associated with the condition until after receiving vaccinations, it causes me concern. In addition, the literature the nurse gave us that warned of possible, albeit unlikely, side effects, only added to my fears.

It was extremely emotional, as Jude and I each held one of arms while the nurse injected him with five different vaccinations, rapid fire, three in one leg and two in the other. As soon as she stuck him with the first needle, he began screaming and crying. It was hard for me to look at him, because I felt like my heart was breaking. After she finished, he was inconsolable and continued to cry as we desperately tried to comfort him. Finally, after we put him in his car seat and I began walking out of the doctor's office, he calmed down.

After we got home, John Patrick slept for a while. About 7:45 p.m., he awoke and was not a happy camper. He began to scream and cry, loudly, and Jude couldn't get him to settle down. She tried to feed him, but he wasn't interested. After crying for forty minutes or so, he fell asleep as she rocked him in the glider chair in the nursery. I left to pick up dinner for us at Carrabbas in Green Hills, as we hadn't eaten, yet. When I returned home, he was sleeping peacefully in the bouncy seat, downstairs.

Fortunately, when I took him upstairs a little after 10 p.m. to change his diaper and put on his pajamas, he seemed to be in a better mood. He actually smiled at me as I changed his diaper, like he normally does, then I took him to Jude, in our bedroom. His appetite appeared to have returned, as he took her breast without any hesitation. That was a big relief.

Sometimes this parenting thing is really hard, huh?