Why?

My cousin, Rick Newman, died yesterday in Hawaii.  He was 29 and had his whole life ahead of  him.  He was a good looking kid (not a man, to me, but a kid), smart, charismatic with an infectious smile and a great sense of humor.  

Although an autopsy has been performed, the toxicology report won't be back for a few weeks.  His parents suspect alcohol was involved, as Rick has been battling an addiction to alcohol for at least a couple of years.  That was his dark side, a side I never saw, because I didn't have the opportunity to spend much time with him, in person, over the years since he and his family lived in Phoenix and, more recently, Hawaii.  I regret that, now, and I wonder if I could have made a difference in his life if I had established a closer relationship with him.

I've always had a great affinity for Rick and his younger brother, Rob, because of my relationship with their father, Dave Newman.  Dave is my father's younger brother (my uncle) and I've always felt closer to my father through my relationship with Dave.  My heart goes out to Dave, Renee (his wife) and Rob and I wish there was something I could say or do to ease their pain.

My mom, my sister and I traveled to Akron, Ohio, in June 2009 to attend Rick's wedding.  We almost didn't make the trip, but ultimately decided to drive over and we were so glad we did.  It ended up being one of those perfect weekends - the kind you can't plan - they just happen organically.  It was so great to see several members of my dad's side of the family - people we rarely get to see.  For me, as is and was always the case, it was like I had never away from Dave and his sons, Rick and Rob.  We just picked up where we left off the last time I had seen them, giving each other grief, laughing and having fun.

Rick was in phenomenal shape and my enduring memory - one I'll cherish for the rest of my life - was going for a long run with Rick and a friend on a trail along the Cuyahoga River on the morning of the wedding.  Rick fully intended to run me into the ground, but I turned the tables on him and he had to stop and walk by the end of the run.  He was surprised that his "old" cousin, over the age of 40, could outrun him, even though I had warned him to watch out for the "old" guys.  I kidded him about it the rest of the weekend, but I treasured the time we spend together on that long run, just running, talking and running.  It was already a top 20, all time, run for me, and now it's a run I'll remember and treasure forever.

Alcoholism is such an insidious disease.  It's reach, unfortunately, is limitless.  Rich, poor, young, old, it doesn't matter.  And now it's taken Rick, far too soon.

I'm rambling, I know.  It's hard to understand why something like this happens.  The real pain, I think, is in wondering what you could have done differently or what could have happened that might have resulted in a different outcome.  The reality, though, harsh as it is, is that Dave and Renee (and Rob) did everything they could have possibly done for Rick.  He had their support and their love but, in the end, he wasn't able to help himself.  I can't explain it and I can't rationalize what happened.  I sure as hell can't understand why Rick died.  Something like this tests one's faith, no doubt, but all I an do is pray for Rick and pray for Dave, Renee and Rob.

Rick was a good kid - a wonderful kid - who did a lot of living in 29 years.  I only wish he had more time.

Dave, Rick and Rob Newman at Rick's wedding in Akron, Ohio, in June 2009.