10, so hard to believe. He was so young, so very recently.
Last night, at bedtime, I actually pulled up the blog on my cell phone and read him the censored version of the what I wrote 10 years ago, the day he was born. I left out some of the parts about Jude's surgery. When I finished, he said "that was really good, Daddy." I smiled.
After he went to bed, I made a late night trip to the grocery store. When I got home, Jude told me JP had come down a few minutes earlier. He couldn't sleep and was a bit out of sorts. Among other things, he was worried about what his life would be like in 20 years. He was worried that Jude and I would be older. Interestingly, he also was concerned that he wouldn't be able to remember what it was like to be 10 when he was 20 years older.
He was worried about what comes next. Well, I'm worried about that, too. When I went upstairs and checked on him, he already had fallen back asleep.
JP's always had an old soul, seemingly from the very beginning. In many early photos, the expression on his face belies his age. At times immediately after he was born, I noticed in photos that it almost looked JP knew something that I didn't. It wasn't a seriousness, not really. It was more of a contemplative or knowing look, something in his eyes.
I tend to lean toward the nostalgic, perhaps too much so. I kind of hope he doesn't inherit the part of his dad's makeup, to be frank. Sometimes it's hard to live in the moment and enjoy the now if you're so close to memories from the past.
Also, at 10, I don't want him worrying too much about the future. That's like staring at the sun, you know. It can drive you crazy and, for sure, make it almost impossible to enjoy the present if you're worrying about what's to come. That's not something I do and I hope he can avoid doing it, too.
----------------------------------------------------
I was 41 years old when JP was born. Now, I'm 51. So much has changed over the last decade of my life. Much of it expected, I guess, buy much of it unexpected.
It's crazy, but I remember wondering when he was 3 or so if JP would ever be a sports fan, like his old man. Somewhere along the line, around age 4, the switch flipped and JP became hooked on sports.
He's his daddy's son, for sure. Just like me, he loves the Dodgers and the Lakers and would watch sports on television all day long, if we would let him. I worry sometimes because so much of his life revolves around sports. Playing sports, watching sports or reading about sports. Certainly, it's a currency that he and I can trade in and a language that we speak to each other.
JP fights me on it, but I really, really want him to be open-minded and try different things in life. I feel remiss in that I haven't gotten him into some type of music lessons. What I want for him, later in life, is to have the creativity that I think is only developed though expanding his mind in creative endeavors.
JP's a rule follower. I worry, sometimes, that he's a bit risk averse, like Jude. I want him to have the courage to take chances, to not be afraid to fail. We talk about that sometimes and I point out that no one achieves true success, that they earned, without taking risks.
It's interesting because he's a paradox in some ways. JP's sensitive, especially when it comes to other's feelings. He's very empathetic toward others. At the same time, however, he's tough. For example, in baseball, I never hesitate to put him in difficult, pressure filled situations. He has enough confidence and is tough enough to not let failure get him too down. I've brought him in to pitch late in games - when a walk or two will result in a loss - partly because I know he is tough enough to handle failing. Many of his teammates aren't that tough, so I don't want them to be crushed by failure in a key spot.
JP seems to perform well, maybe better, under pressure. In baseball, I can think of three or four occasions - one last fall - when he rocketed a line drive late in a game with two outs, two strikes, all while staring down a pitcher who is bringing the heat. Last fall, he struck out a ringer for the Oak Hill team - a player that played with us many years ago - with the bases loaded. The kid, Drake, is probably a foot taller than JP, and he punched him out in a key spot and we held on for the win. Those moments make me proud, as a father, because I'm not sure they can be taught.
JP's really taken to reading, a lot. That, of course, makes Jude and me extremely happy. I'm a voracious reader so it pleases me to no end to see him curled up on the couch, on his own, reading. I want to steer him into a little more fiction reading, I think, because he tends to read biographies or, especially, books about sports figures.
Every parent-teacher conference we've had at USN, where JP goes to school, has been revelatory in the sense that it reminds us what a great young boy he is. His third grade teacher couldn't praise him enough, academically and socially, when we met with her a couple months ago. He's so smart, in school, and so considerate of others. He's inquisitive and wants to learn. He follows directions, listens and just loves school. I love that about him.
I don't talk about it enough, but JP is maybe the best big brother ever to Joe. He lets Joe tag along with him and his friends, whether it's playing sports or hosting a sleepover. He plays with Joe all the time. He doesn't hit him - not ever - even when Joe gets frustrated or angry and slugs him. His tolerance and love for Joe are unbounded.
The bottom line, of course, is that Jude and I are so lucky. God has blessed us with this gift of a son, our oldest son, JP. These are the salad days with him, no doubt.
Happy 10th birthday, JP. My son, my oldest son. You have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible before you were born. I can't remember life before you and I can't imagine life without you. I'm proud of the boy you are, at 10, and I'm proud of the man you will become, already.
JP fights me on it, but I really, really want him to be open-minded and try different things in life. I feel remiss in that I haven't gotten him into some type of music lessons. What I want for him, later in life, is to have the creativity that I think is only developed though expanding his mind in creative endeavors.
JP's a rule follower. I worry, sometimes, that he's a bit risk averse, like Jude. I want him to have the courage to take chances, to not be afraid to fail. We talk about that sometimes and I point out that no one achieves true success, that they earned, without taking risks.
It's interesting because he's a paradox in some ways. JP's sensitive, especially when it comes to other's feelings. He's very empathetic toward others. At the same time, however, he's tough. For example, in baseball, I never hesitate to put him in difficult, pressure filled situations. He has enough confidence and is tough enough to not let failure get him too down. I've brought him in to pitch late in games - when a walk or two will result in a loss - partly because I know he is tough enough to handle failing. Many of his teammates aren't that tough, so I don't want them to be crushed by failure in a key spot.
JP seems to perform well, maybe better, under pressure. In baseball, I can think of three or four occasions - one last fall - when he rocketed a line drive late in a game with two outs, two strikes, all while staring down a pitcher who is bringing the heat. Last fall, he struck out a ringer for the Oak Hill team - a player that played with us many years ago - with the bases loaded. The kid, Drake, is probably a foot taller than JP, and he punched him out in a key spot and we held on for the win. Those moments make me proud, as a father, because I'm not sure they can be taught.
JP's really taken to reading, a lot. That, of course, makes Jude and me extremely happy. I'm a voracious reader so it pleases me to no end to see him curled up on the couch, on his own, reading. I want to steer him into a little more fiction reading, I think, because he tends to read biographies or, especially, books about sports figures.
Every parent-teacher conference we've had at USN, where JP goes to school, has been revelatory in the sense that it reminds us what a great young boy he is. His third grade teacher couldn't praise him enough, academically and socially, when we met with her a couple months ago. He's so smart, in school, and so considerate of others. He's inquisitive and wants to learn. He follows directions, listens and just loves school. I love that about him.
I don't talk about it enough, but JP is maybe the best big brother ever to Joe. He lets Joe tag along with him and his friends, whether it's playing sports or hosting a sleepover. He plays with Joe all the time. He doesn't hit him - not ever - even when Joe gets frustrated or angry and slugs him. His tolerance and love for Joe are unbounded.
The bottom line, of course, is that Jude and I are so lucky. God has blessed us with this gift of a son, our oldest son, JP. These are the salad days with him, no doubt.
Happy 10th birthday, JP. My son, my oldest son. You have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible before you were born. I can't remember life before you and I can't imagine life without you. I'm proud of the boy you are, at 10, and I'm proud of the man you will become, already.
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