Why?

Today has been a difficult, difficult day.

My friend's 17-year old daughter, Elizabeth, died this morning about 6 a.m. I don't know what to say, what to think or what to do. It's almost beyond comprehension. I just can't make sense of any of it.

Although I realized there might come a day when I would cry on my son's shoulder, I never thought it would be when he was eight months old. Nonetheless, that's exactly what I did this morning after I heard the news. I took my son in my arms, hugged him and cried on his shoulder.

As I walked back home with John Patrick this afternoon, lost in my thoughts, I passed a small church on 12th Avenue - Tabernacle Baptist Church. A sign out front said, "True faith doesn't have a plan B." That's about as close as I can come to understanding why this happened.

Please say a prayer for Elizabeth's parents, grandparents and her entire family.

A Time to Pray

The daughter of one my close friends has been hospitalized, first at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, now at Vanderbilt Medical Center, for the past two weeks. She's a senior in high school this year, although I've known her since she was three or four years old.

Her name is Elizabeth and if you're reading my blog and see this post, please say a prayer for her. She's critically ill. She and her family need all the prayers they can get right now. Thanks.

Thanksgiving Day

It sure is lonely eating at the kids' table.

Thanksgiving Day

Okay, so maybe my parents will let me have turkey next year. I hope so, anyway.

Jude and John Patrick on Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving day, a photo of Jude and John Patrick taken inside the clubhouse at River Plantation, the subdivision in Bellevue where Jude's grandparents, Rita and Jim White, and her aunt, Margaret McCutcheon, live. I love this photo.

Thanksgiving day, John Patrick hanging out with Jimdad before the big meal.

Puryear, Newman & Morton

This is a photo of our law office. Mark, Chas and I bought the building a little more than three years ago. It was in a state of complete disrepair, so we had to have it completely renovated. It's a great location - right across from the Williamson County Courthouse, in the heart of downtown Franklin.

Take J.P. to Work Day

Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, was "Take John Patrick to Work Day." Our nanny, Carley Farley Meade, wanted to get away a little early, as she had travel to West Virginia that evening. Also, I hadn't taken John Patrick to work in quite some time, so I came home for lunch, then drove back to Franklin.

First, we visited the ladies in the Circuit Court Clerk's office and in the Clerk and Master's office. They marveled at how big he has gotten since the last time they saw him. Next, I stopped in my friend, Virginia Story's office. Although Virginia was gone for the holiday, John Patrick did get to meet my friend, Joanie Abernathy, an attorney with whom I work on a regular basis. She's probably the nicest, kindest attorney in the Williamson County Bar and a good friend. Finally, we made it over to my office.

The ladies in my office were tickled to see him. Lisa Johnson, who has been with us forever and loves children, took John Patrick off my hands immediately, carrying him around the office. As a joke, she and I photographed him sitting in the chair behind Lori Reid's desk, since Lori was gone and missed seeing him. I made a couple of calls and did a little work, while the ladies entertained him.

It was a beautiful afternoon, unseasonably warm for late November, so I left the office and took him for a long stroll around downtown Franklin. It was a great day for a walk and there were lots of people walking up and down Main Street, shopping, or just enjoying the afternoon. When I got back to the office, I gave him a bottle of formula, sitting behind my desk, leaning back in my chair. That was kind of cool. Later, Lisa Johnson took a couple of photos of John Patrick and me in my office.

What a great, pre-holiday afternoon.

Nice Lid!

A closeup of John Patrick, bundled up in the stroller, after a brisk afternoon walk last Sunday.

Last Sunday afternoon, although it was a bit cold, I took John Patrick for a walk. As you can see, the leaves from my maple tree fell a couple of weeks after this year's Leaf party. Here, John Patrick is sleeping in a new winter outfit my mom got for him.

John Patrick and Daddy, reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear."

As you can see, this is one happy baby!

Wolf, Cyndi, Finn and Scout Baines, playing in the leaves after the Leaf Party.

Mike Matteson, Phil Byerly, my mom and sister, and Stacy Byerly, on our front porch at the Leaf Party.

Jude's folks, Jim and Jane White, along with her grandparents, Jim and Rita White, at the Leaf Party earlier this month.

Halloween Photos

Jude and John Patrick on Halloween.

Young Jane and John Patrick.

Group photo, just prior to trick-or-treating.

Phil, Young Jane, Jude and John Patrick.

Scout and Wolf Baines, holding Finn Baines and John Patrick on our front porch on Halloween night.

Wolf and Scout Baines, sitting on our front porch swing Halloween night, making scary faces. They were smiling the rest of the evening, as we went trick-or-treating in the neighborhood.

Fright Night

Wednesday evening, after work, I stopped by to see our friends, Hal Humphreys and Kim Green, at their house on Halcyon Avenue. While I was there, Jude called. She was out running errands with John Patrick and wanted to stop by. She did and John Patrick slept in the living room in his car seat, while we sat around the island between the kitchen and dining room, having a glass of wine and talking.

When John Patrick awoke, I lifted him out of his car seat and sat him down the counter between us. He was sitting up all by himself, which is his big thing lately, and playing with a plastic spoon, when Hal asked, "what is that lump on the back of his neck?" Jude and I looked at each other, then felt around the right side of the back of his neck, near the base of his skull, and sure enough, there was a small lump. My heart nearly stopped, as my mind raced through a set of worst case scenarios. We stayed for a while longer, then drove home.

It was too late to call our doctor, so Jude agreed to call him the next morning at 9 a.m., when his office opened for the day. We played with John Patrick for a while, then put him to bed. After Jude went up for bed a while later, I did a little research on the Internet. WebMD is a dangerous tool when in the wrong hands, particularly those of a frightened father like me. I didn't sleep well at all that night, as you can imagine.

Thursday morning, Jude went to work first. I had a mediation in Nashville, so I fed John Patrick and waited on our nanny, Carley to arrive. When I told her about the lump on his neck, she assured me he would be fine. Jude was able to get him in to see our doctor at 10:15 a.m.

Dr. Godfrey examined him, felt the lump, and suggested it's most likely a swollen lymph node from an infection he's picked up somewhere. In my research, I had read that infants can get swollen lymph nodes if they have excema or get a scratch on their face or head. We were relieved, needless to say, but we're still going to keep a close eye on it.

Man, being a parent is scary sometimes.

The End of an Era

Most, if not all, mornings since John Patrick was born, Jude has gotten him up at 7 a.m., changed his diaper, and brought him into our bedroom. There, she climbed into our bed and breastfed him. Typically, I wouldn't hear her get up, but I would stir, then wake, to the sound of her talking quietly to him as she fed him. I'd role over toward her, open my eyes, and she would say to him, "look, there's your daddy," or "say good morning, daddy."

Earlier this week, I think it was Wednesday morning, I woke up about 7:30 a.m. or so, rolled over and was surprised to see that Jude's side of the bed was empty. I rubbed my eyes, got out of bed and walked into the upstairs hallway. I looked into the nursery (a.k.a. the men's lounge) and saw Jude feeding John Patrick from a bottle. I knew she had stopped pumping or, at least, wasn't pumping as much breastmilk, but she had continued breastfeeding him in the mornings. "Are we done with breastfeeding?" I asked. "Yes," she said, "there's not enough breast milk."

I started downstairs, then came back upstairs, opened the the screen door to the nursery, and stepped inside. I thanked Jude for sacrificing so much to breastfeed John Patrick for seven months. Then, I went downstairs to take a shower.

It amazes me, when I think about it, to consider all of the sacrifices Jude (and all mothers, really) has made for our son. Really, it only began with her actually becoming pregnant and carrying him to term. She pricked her fingers at least four times a day to check her blood sugar, after she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. She underwent major surgery to give birth to John Patrick. She stayed home from work and cared for him, all day every day, for three months after he was born. She breastfed him several times a day for seven months. She pumped breast milk, at home and at work, for seven months. Even now, as I tell people all the time, she "does most of the heavy lifting" when it comes to caring for him, although I help care for him, too. It's impossible for me to articulate how much I appreciate her for all that she has done and continues to do, every day, for our son.

I digress, because what I really want to write about is how nostalgic, even sad, it makes me to realize that Jude won't be breastfeeding John Patrick anymore. For one thing, it's another sign he's getting older. Now, he's eating rice cereal, lots of baby food and even mashed up bananas. Also, though, and what I'm thinking about tonight, is how the moments when she breastfed him were so intimate, so special and such a privilege to watch.

Thinking about it one day and wondering why it meant so much to me, I decided that Jude's breastfeeding John Patrick was comparable to one of those rare winter mornings, when I get up early and see that it's snowed a couple of inches overnight. It's so peaceful and beautiful to go for a walk, before anyone has walked on the sidewalk or many cars have driven on the streets. On those early mornings, part of the beauty lies in the fact that I know, soon enough, the sun will come out, the temperature will rise and the snow will be gone by early afternoon. So many of the most beautiful things in life are fleeting, often mere moments, that you know aren't likely to pass your way again. They slip by and they're gone before you know it.

Decision 2008

It's election night and within the last hour, the networks declared that Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States of America. I wonder if, years from now, John Patrick will read in history books at school about this historic night, when our great nation elected an African American president for the first time in history.

Just for fun, I drove down to the Mercy Lounge, where the local Democrats were holding an election party. I had a difficult time finding a parking place, because there were so many people at the party. As I waited in line to go inside, I struck up a conversation with an older, African American woman in front of me. She literally squealed with delight when I told her the networks had declared that the state of Virginia had gone Obama's way.

I only stayed at the party for five or ten minutes, because I just wanted to see firsthand the how excited the people there were. The crowd was very young and very diverse, which I expected. It was amazing to see such a diverse crowd celebrating together. It gives me hope that, perhaps, when all is said and done, Barack Obama may be able to unify our country after all.

Barack Obama and his family just walked onto the stage at Grant Park in Chicago, where he is going to give his acceptance. Over 100,000 people are in attendance there, which is incredible. I'm going to listen to him give what should be a historic speech.

The Calm After the Storm

It's late and I'm going to go upstairs in a minute, look in on John Patrick, then read in bed for a little while before I go to sleep. I'll write more later about the Leaf Party Weekend, hopefully tomorrow.

Troy, Cyndi and the kids (Wolf, Scout and Finn) left our house for the airport about 7 p.m. As always, there was a whirlwind of activity as they wound up their stay with us by packing their things and loading the rental car, before racing to the airoprt. Somehow, Scout lost her shoes. I took the annual photograph of the Baines family on our front porch steps, we hugged and said our goodbyes, then Jude, John Patrick and I walked up the front port steps and into the house. Jude held John Patrick and waved to Cyndi through one of our front windows and, suddenly, they were gone and our house was quiet again.

Jude fed John Patrick at the dining room table, in his high chair. I made a sandwich and sat down at the table with them. Jude and I talked about the weekend a bit, but mostly felt sad that it had passed by so quickly. Later, when she took him upstairs to get ready for bed, I cleaned up the last remnants of the party in our front yard. I felt a bit melancholy, as I pulled the John Deere wagon around back, loaded down with various toys, camping chairs and coolers. I smiled when I got around back and kicked the soccer ball that Wolf, Scout and I had been playing with a few hours earlier.

Jude and I are so blessed to have friends like Troy and Cyndi Baines. It's wonderful to have them as guests at our house, but it's so sad when they leave. It reminds us of how much we miss them and how much fun we would have with them, if they still lived in Nashville. We marvel at how much Wolf and Scout have grown. Time is fleeting and passes by so quickly. Really, in the blink of any eye, it seems, the years slip by.