Where Is the Tooth Fairy When I Really Need Her?

I don't like going to the doctor and I especially don't like going to the dentist.  For the past 30 + years - ever since I had a root canal during college - I've lived in fear of having to get another one, because it was such an unpleasant experience the first time around.  This week, I'll realize my worst fear as I have another root canal on a different tooth.  

On top of that, I'll have to get a new crown on the same tooth, repeating what probably was the second worst medical procedure of my life, after the root canal in college.  

I realize it's an irrational fear and that I shouldn't dread going to the dentist so much.  Somehow, it's gotten much worse as I've gotten older.  I don't even like to get my teeth cleaned.  I have no idea how I got this way.  It's more than a little embarrassing, frankly.

Still, I can't go on this way, as I've been had a considerable amount of pain in my tooth (#3), gum, and jaw for the past week or so.  I saw my dentist last week and she did some tests, then referred me to the endodontist.  I go there this week, first for testing, then for the root canal.  Because I'm so ridiculous about all of this, I'm going to pay extra to have him put me under for the procedure.  I want to wake up and have it be over, like when I got my wisdom teeth out as a teenager.

Then, I'll go back to my dentist, apparently, and have the crown replaced.  For that one, I'll be wide awake.  Shit.  I want to get in a time machine and be done with all of this.  

I've been so down about it and paralyzed by the feeling of dread that I haven't felt like doing much of anything, not to mention that I've been in pain, off an on.  I started a round of antibiotics the end of last week, which seems to have helped a bit.  It's weird, though, because I'll feel fine then suddenly, my tooth and gum will start throbbing.  The pain lasts for 15 or 20 minutes, then goes away.  I'm not sure what causes the flareups.  

Over the weekend, though, I decided to start running again.  I'd been avoiding running out of fear of jarring my mouth or causing more pain.  I was able to run three miles, fast, on the treadmill at the YMCA on Saturday and Sunday, which made me feel a little better.  More like myself.  I needed those runs.  I'm going to try to do the same thing this afternoon.

My rational brain knows that this too shall pass but damn, I'm scared.