Breaking Out

I finished my mediation yesterday a little early as a result of which I had time to get to his 5 p.m. basketball game at MBA vs. Lipscomb.

What I decided to do instead was skip the game and go for a run to give JP some space when he played.  My thought was that maybe he had been pressing because he doesn't want to let me down as I watch him play from the bleachers on the sideline of the basketball court.  I've seen or heard nothing - from JP or anyone else - that leads me to believe my presence at games is putting pressure on him to perform.  Still, with him mired in a shooting slump, I was willing to try anything.  

What happened?  JP shot his way out of the slump he was in, scoring 11 points and hitting 3 - 4 three pointers.  That's more like it!  More importantly, he as in much better place - emotionally - after the game, although his team lost to a very good Lipscomb team in a game that was close until the fourth quarter.  

The boys played better together, as a team, too.  I think that meant as much to JP - or more - than scoring in double digits.  JP believes so strongly in the concept of team and in the group working together toward a common goal and sacrificing, if necessary, that it's been a difficult season for him as he struggled to figure out what he could do to bring the team together.  I think, for him, it's been a puzzle without an answer as he has struggled to find a way to improve team chemistry. 

A buddy of mine whose son plays on the team texted me with updates throughout the game.  What he said about JP when he hit his second or third three pointer summed it up, for me.  

Different kid, tonight, Phil.  

Now, of course, I have to spend some time thinking about why that was true.  Do I put too much pressure, even inadvertently, on JP to succeed at basketball games?  Does he feel too much pressure when I am at his basketball games, even if it's intrinsically generated and not anything that I'm saying or doing?  It's hard to say but as his father, it's something I feel obligated to think about.  

The thing is, I happened to have a telephone conversation with Benton, one of my oldest friends whom I became close to as an adult, out of school.  Benton and I worked together at a law firm downtown 30 years ago at the beginning of our professional careers.  He started the year before me and quickly became a professional mentor, confidante,   and close friend.  Over the years, we played softball together in the bar association league and in the city league.  We played a lot of basketball together, too, in pick up games and in the bar association league.  

Benton was an outstanding high school athlete at Lipscomb, starring in basketball and baseball.  He played baseball in college, too, and a couple of years in the low minor leagues.  Benton is the best athlete I have ever been around.  I love sports, of course, and follow and play sports passionately.  However, I have. never been in Benton's universe athletically, not by a long shot.  

What we have in common when it comes to sports - and probably in practicing law - is our competitiveness.  Both of us have a burning desire to win in everything we do.  That's our currency, I guess, or a language in common that we speak.  

Very few friends know me as well as Benton knows me.  He has seen me at my best and my worst, competitively, on the softball field and the basketball court.  He knows and understands, like few others, how intensely the flame burns inside of me to succeed in every thing I do.  Sports, practicing law, coaching and, yes, parenting.  

And because Benton knows me and we have shared very trying life experiences - on both sides - I listen when he gives me advice, especially of a personal nature.  

At any rate, in our call, he picked up on something Jude said and completely agreed with her.  He reminded me that when I watch JP and his team play basketball, I have to smile, laugh and, generally, appear to be having a good time.  He accurately predicted that I probably grimace at a turnover or missed shot - by JP or his teammates - while I watch a game.  All true, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit.  Tuesday night, I found myself shaking my head when one of JP's teammates made a boneheaded play.  

Although JP's not a kid that looks over at me for any reason during a basketball game or otherwise interacts with me, Benton pointed out that he probably steals a glance my way when he's on the bench or during a stop in the action.  If I'm frowning or appear to be unhappy, that likely has an effect on him.  I have to credit Jude, too, because this was in essence what she had said, too.

So, I think about Tuesday night and how badly I wanted JP to play well against the boys he grew up with and went to school with at USN and how badly I wanted JP's team to win.  None of that happened and I was devastated . . . for him, not for me.  Still, I think - no, I know - I watched that game with a burning intensity and JP probably saw that or felt it, as I sat on the first row of the bleachers.  

Maybe my work calendar will prevent me from attending his last few basketball games.  If I able to go, though, I'm going to stand behind the bleacher with some of the other fathers and inconspicuously watch JP play.  And I'm going to watch him play with a smile on my face the entire time.  I can do that and I will do that.  

It's not enough, I think, to say all the right things to him after a game, win or lose.  I've got to do the right things - things that give him confidence and self-assurance - during games, too.  And I will. 

On the other hand, maybe JP just shot himself out of a slump.  Shooters are going to shoot, I always tell him.  Maybe that's what happened but I'm not taking any chances.